Pastetool #481

A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
Bill Cosby

Advertising is the most fun you can have with your clothes on.
Bill Cosby

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
Bill Cosby

Anyone can dabble, but once you've made that commitment, your blood has that particular thing in it, and it's very hard for people to stop you.
Bill Cosby

As I have discovered by examining my past, I started out as a child. Coincidentally, so did my brother. My mother did not put all her eggs in one basket, so to speak: she gave me a younger brother named Russell, who taught me what was meant by "survival of the fittest."
Bill Cosby

Children today know more about sex than I or my father did.
Bill Cosby

Civilization had too many rules for me, so I did my best to rewrite them.
Bill Cosby

Even though your kids will consistently do the exact opposite of what you're telling them to do, you have to keep loving them just as much.
Bill Cosby

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.
Bill Cosby

Gray hair is God's graffiti.
Bill Cosby

Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.
Bill Cosby

I am certainly not an authority on love because there are no authorities on love, just those who've had luck with it and those who haven't.
Bill Cosby

I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.
Bill Cosby

If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right.
Bill Cosby

In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.
Bill Cosby

Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge.
Bill Cosby

Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries.
Bill Cosby

Men and women belong to different species and communications between them is still in its infancy.
Bill Cosby

My childhood should have taught me lessons for my own fatherhood, but it didn't because parenting can only be learned by people who have no children.
Bill Cosby

My eleven year old daughter mopes around the house all day waiting for her breasts to grow.
Bill Cosby

No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I'm not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal.
Bill Cosby

Nothing separates the generations more than music. By the time a child is eight or nine, he has developed a passion for his own music that is even stronger than his passions for procrastination and weird clothes.
Bill Cosby

Parents are not interested in justice, they're interested in peace and quiet.
Bill Cosby

Poets have said that the reason to have children is to give yourself immortality. Immortality? Now that I have five children, my only hope is that they are all out of the house before I die.
Bill Cosby

That married couples can live together day after day is a miracle the Vatican has overlooked.
Bill Cosby

The essence of childhood, of course, is play, which my friends and I did endlessly on streets that we reluctantly shared with traffic.
Bill Cosby

The heart of marriage is memories; and if the two of you happen to have the same ones and can savor your reruns, then your marriage is a gift from the gods.
Bill Cosby

The main goal of the future is to stop violence. The world is addicted to it.
Bill Cosby

The past is a ghost, the future a dream, and all we ever have is now.
Bill Cosby

The truth is that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet.
Bill Cosby

There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God.
Bill Cosby

There is no labor a person does that is undignified; if they do it right.
Bill Cosby

When you become senile, you won't know it.
Bill Cosby

You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it.
Bill Cosby